warning: snuff·le·up·o·yours

June 4, 2014

fuck this life…
is that really what you think – what you want?
it is
harsh and ridiculous / overwhelming and ephemeral.
like poor ole Wile E. Coyote
at the edge of the cliff
thinking he might be alright this time
only to have the entire rock overhang that he’s standing on
break off from the cliff and plummet
somehow manage to flip over during the descent
and smash on top of him.
but his nose twitches and he wiggles his way from under the rocks
and walks away.
now, if he were suddenly corporeal, actual, self-aware
he would turn and look at the wreckage and think
“well, that was a bit much”
all very sudden, very brief
very dramatic
very silly
what, with the world turning upside down
and the passive suicide attempt of chasing the roadrunner
to begin with, hoping… and failing again
a·nal·o·gous, ba·nal·o·gous, snuffleupagus
get over your tiny self and your invisibility.
illness, food poisoning
you vomit and you feel better.
so dont be afraid and by all means
dont take yourself too seriously.
instead *sob* – breathe – release…
drive home and keep trying.
then…
they came and sat on my lap outside
and there was a breeze and a beer and a sunset.
we started by reading books but as it got darker
the fireflies came out, by the hundreds
so many in our tiny space that you could just sit
and they would come to you
and EZB could catch 3 at a time
and the boy screamed with fear and delight
and flapped his arms after stretching out his hand
to receive one after another from his big sister
who knocked over the beer (good beer) that i bought on purpose
for the sake of a treat in the hopes of feeling better
and she felt bad (so did i)
but she more than made up for it
running around with lightning bugs in her hands and her hair
and im laughing and crying with the wonder
and the ephemeral nature of it all
taking on a different meaning.
i know better than to believe either moment will last
but it is my choice which i will hold on to.
and it is simple and it is not so simple
and i will do my best and keep trying.
embrace this life…

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3 Responses to “warning: snuff·le·up·o·yours”

  1. Jimdaddy Says:

    After reading this I just laughed and said “oh my!” Then “beep beep.” And I reached out for a firefly. You had me right there with you.

  2. Lindsey Says:

    Yes. This made me both feel like I was there with you all, and yearn to be. Even with the Warner Bros (emotional) physics.

  3. Gail Brown Says:

    Joys of living and loving your children. Hold on to these great memories.


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