September 6, 2013

i wondered before you were born,
if i would have any: “this is my son” feelings
i hoped i wouldn’t.

i have daughters, i have a son – these are my children.

what difference should gender make
in how i feel about them
in how proud i am to know them
in how much i enjoy holding them
in the way we pretend and play
in the stories that we tell each other
and the bond of love we share.

but you are still too young
for the burdens of gender.
as of yet it is a non-issue (wouldn’t that be great)
and i don’t know how it will influence our future
our relationship – or the way we think about each other
it fascinates and repels me.

when you were born…
the bedroom was so full of people: these beautiful witnesses
i was vaguely aware of them;
much more concerned about the task at hand.
i wasn’t thinking about your gender
i was thinking about your health and safety
if your mom would be alright
if your sisters were nervous,
and then you were there
you were just new – and you;
and ours as we are yours.

sadness attended your birth as well…
and shortly after you were born; i wrote down these 2 questions:
what is it like to be born into such grief?
how will it affect and direct your life?

i don’t know that yet either,
but have realized lately that i must ask the same
for all of my children.


in that room with all of those people
there was peace and rejoicing
there was chaos and grief
and briefly the former won out
and i slept.
please know this
i slept with you asleep in my arms.


my son’s names mean: God is and he has heard.
this was inspired by many things but was in part from the Q’uran.
my son was born on Eid al-Fitr –
i just think thats neat.


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