articulate the awkword

January 22, 2013

its just not going right
this life is much worse for others
its going ok, well i guess not (its definitely been better)
regardless it doesnt feel right

oh, our feelings
such dangerously mundane
over analyzed, over utilized
accusations and excuses and excesses

i feel stupid
i’m not…
but i feel that way
(you’re not either)

read this very slowly
as if each word
is a drop of thick sap
oozing from a gash in a tree

it is unsteady, bemused
each word wiggles
as though it is encased in jello
but capricious not delicious

actually, read it however you want
thank you
for reading it at all
and since you’ve come this far…
 

 
i almost ended there
but i’m not trying to be clever
or annoying

just trying to make anxiety enjoyable.

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8 Responses to “articulate the awkword”

  1. Jimmy D Rep Says:

    That’s exactly how I’m feeling encased in sap and slowly losing out of life

    • Shawn Says:

      not trying to be presumptuous or even pretend to understand (cause we know that i can’t, we’ve been told as much with a oh happy, happy daayyyy)
      but i felt like i was writing this as much for you as i was for me.
      missing you with my beer this evening.

  2. Lindsey Says:

    It’s tough to build any kind of structure out of gelatinous bricks. (Or words of auks.) But I’m grateful that you keep trying. What you’ve assembled here has to be at least a pillow fort’s worth of shelter.

  3. Steeny Lou Says:

    I like your word “awkword”. I sometimes say “awkweird”, depending on the situation.

    Sorry to see you are depressed. So am I. I did a search for the tag “depression” and found your words. Thank you for putting your heart out there.

  4. Ryan Roling Says:

    Shawn,

    I don’t get Lindsey’s avifaunal reference, but if you want to talk anxiety – man, you should see my fingernails at this moment. Up until last night, I had done well for a couple of weeks, which for me is like revolutions around the sun. But then it just hits me…Not sure if it’s the wine, the fact that I was headed back to school after a long (MLK) weekend, or what, but dang… I wish I had a different bad habit.

    Anyway – I’m whitchya.

    • Shawn Says:

      avifaunal = awesome
      i had to look that one up and i’m glad i did.
      maybe you should dip your fingers in some avifaunal leavings
      that would learn ya.


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