good mourning, good grief

November 2, 2012

i sit in a brief quest for silence this evening
utterly spent with work and life
wishing i had the energy to be industrious
grief is heavy
to mourn with those who mourn.
so many have mourned with us
and continue to do so
and to do so much – thank you.

my Unfair Advantage misses her mom
our newly 3 year old misses her mom
and is a mess = (new baby / heavy adult sorrow / etc.)
i miss all three of them.
i’m sorry if this writing is self-serving in any way.
but now there is this strange partial closure
that opens to a different corridor of grief…
depression mixed with sorrow covered in exhaustion
stir with anxiety for potent atony
brew, concoction, solution – definitely not a solution
no solution containing solutions, no panacea
nothing as potent as that cancer

but my new son smiles and smiles
moves his head with greater control
searching for the faces that go with the voices
and then his eyes lock and he lights up
dispersing the shadows, dispelling the grief
for a moment – i swear the room gets brighter.

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One Response to “good mourning, good grief”

  1. Ryan Roling Says:

    Smiles from me as well.


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