jokes about depression – part 2

July 2, 2012

i made the mistake of titling one of my early posts
“jokes about depression”
because i thought the phrase was funny
it also turns out to be the search phrase
that most often brings outside people stumbling into my blog
which isn’t great cause it is neither a good post nor funny
i’ve been meaning to do something about this… but…
yah, its not the easiest subject for makin’ up jokes.
still, i have made an effort towards honesty (in blog titles)
and to assist the searcher:
(i tried to stick to classic joke format – not storytelling)

there was a man digging a hole
every now and again he would stop and weep
after all he was in a depression

i live with depression… he stays in despair room

(this one was sparked by a joke i read elsewhere –
the original vanished into the vast void and so cannot be credited)
if you call the suicide prevention hotline for al-Qaeda…
they ask for your vest size.

why couldnt the depressed person cross the road?
he was stuck in a rut.

why did the depressed man cross the road?
the gutter looked better (or worse?) on the other side.

well, i was trying to cross the road but i got stuck in a pothole…
it was a deep depression.

why did the man sit alone in a dark corner at the party?
he had made a bad first depression

(never got that one to work)

a depressed man walks into a bar (ok, right away – that’s sad)
anyway…
a depressed man walks into a bar
.            .            . repeatedly muttering a phrase to himself.
the bartender overhears the man and responds, “pour you what?”
(that might be my favorite one – mumbles poor me)

why does a typist need to be alone at the end of the day?
needs time to depress.
(you know..after spending the whole day pressing keys…)

i always think its sad to shut off my computer
because the ‘on’ button has to be de-pressed.
earlier version:
the robot cried every time he was shut down
because his on button had to be depressed
(is the idea of a depressed robot inherently funny?)

nothing brings you down faster than a flat tire,
you have no option but despair.
(the first line could be a joke by itself)

dr. diagnosed me with acute depression.
trust me buddy there’s nothing cute about it!

somedays its a spring · somedays a downward spiral.
.

bonus depression jokes:

what do you call a sexton smokin’ pot?
high maintenance.

what did the wheel say to the van
i’m tired.

… so i’ll quit (for now)

but anyone else, everyone else!
jump right on in…

hope this justifies the journey. (i tried)
i hope it brings a (very) little light to a dark day.
hope you can laugh it off or at least laugh through it
or at least smile or at least get out of bed
…or at least survive
good luck to us all
(wow – sorry, bummer ending)

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3 Responses to “jokes about depression – part 2”

  1. Shawn Says:

    another disclaimer:
    excepting the one exception
    to my knowledge all content is original
    but i understand, that as with most jokes –
    these are likely to exist elsewhere
    (and not be funny there either)

  2. Shawn Says:

    addin’ dumb – addendum
    thought of a new one on the way home from work
    about feelin’ flat

  3. Gail Brown Says:

    The next time you come to visit, I’ll try to make sure you don’t have to stay in despair room. That one works on paper. Also if I had to dig a big hole I’d be in a depression too – cause it’s hard work but I like that one too. Mom


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