the universe hurt my feelings

April 25, 2012

sexton’s statement: good morning (said with sincerity)
parishioner’s response: train. obnoxious.
i can’t get here in a half hour.

(said with disgust, and an end of the world sigh of exasperation)

ive been teetering for a little while
felt like i kept listing dangerously to the wrong side
and then scrabbling panicked to regain a precarious balance
refusing to look over the edge, to look down
for fear of the decline

damn if falling doesnt hurt

its amazing how physical it actually is
that is probably what makes me the most angry
the pain and discomfort
the inconvenience, the outlook and expenditure

my recent mantra: take joy in a job well done
maintaining my maintenance
and then you wake up and it is irrevocably broken
like i said i have felt it, feared it, coming on
so it is surprising how shocking it still is
and then how deadening
—-
i asked a beautiful swahili man how you would say
that you were surprised
he told me the word (kushangaa)
and then said that a better translation would be:
that something had past and now
you are having to sit down and think about it

wow, thats an astonishing word
and his description is stunning
the imagery definitely caused me to stop and reflect
etc.
—-
now something has passed/is passing
that slammed me into the floor
and is still pushing
so that i cannot breath or swallow without pain
pulsing swollen
i have no choice but to think about it
it is all consuming
blinding disgust
an endless falling
something is crawling all over my skin
and the jagged edge of the cracked floor boards are splintering
in my back and forcing their way through my ribcage
we must open my skull and let it out
dread: painful before it happens
and now…
– get – off – me –
i dont have time for this
train. obnoxious. (sigh)
i am needed

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2 Responses to “the universe hurt my feelings”

  1. Ryan Roling Says:

    Shawn,

    I like this post a lot. You’re creative. I love your beginning and ending. I also love that dude’s definition of surprise.

  2. Gail Brown Says:

    I love you. Mom


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