no really, its not my gift‏

September 20, 2011

…thank you
there is no way that anyone can overestimate the value
and importance of their friendship (and approval) and love
thank you thank you
i kinda want to write more but i dont think i have the energy for it
more deadened and tired today – less freaked out
though nervous
cause mental symptoms of this severity 
always cause physical ones for me
and thats not fun – kinda brings you down and when youre already down
well you can see the mathmatical dystopian tapioca spiraling down to more mental anguish
hooray for pretentious metaphor
and the mellowdrama of mental anguish
i wanted to copy to you all a little of the once again private
written response that my wife sent me at work…
“But I know this is only a season. You will be able to climb the ladder eventually — look! I just wove flowers around it and placed a basket of beer and chocolate, and french fries and home made bread on the third rung from you! Can you make it up that far?  I hope you can at least make it home.  There will be beer and burritos and chocolate and tea and hugs and kisses and two little girls to whom you mean the world.”

and there were

and it was all beautiful (my Unfair Advantage)
each one poking my darkness with a pinprick of light
i am going to take some xanax and see if that helps a bit and maybe write more later

me me me…… oh why dont you stop annoying people


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