i need an ism to clear my vision

May 27, 2011

I am fallible / i am Gentle
I want to believe not be sensible
some how excuse reality
             & settle into sentimental
the center – a mystery
                  in the embrace of the existential

 here i am
              with my softer form of fatalism
despair with the corners rounded
is easier to ignore
I roll better with my beveled belief
            it doesn’t cut as deep
                        when I need more

What about Resonance
                        and the desire to recapture Wonder
what about that spell We were all under?
was there nothing to it / has it played its part
            and the tumble i take as i get older
                        and my mind grows bolder
                                    in hushing my heart

I cannot resign myself to righteousness
            I have to practice it / till I am acting it
                                           with naturalness
& my response bears no judgment
discipline is not something i have been able to master
            i want faith to come faster
                        my reason leads to disaster
                                    in not doing anything…

so, my asking for Everything
comes down to just needing some meddling
                        and wanting a little help
I have had enough of me
                        I want to see
                                    something else.

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One Response to “i need an ism to clear my vision”

  1. Ryan Roling Says:

    “I want to believe not be sensible”

    Me too. I used to think I would never doubt. Not so any more. I used to wonder about Thomas in the Bible. How could he doubt? He was with Jesus for crying out loud. Now I relate. But even so – most of the time my faith is very pragmatic and sensible. The best parents will put self-dignity aside for the sake of their children, and those with the purest faith will, likewise, will be unconcerned about the practicality of a situation in order to please God. In life, at this piont, I tend to be a fairly practical man.

    (But I do think I’m a good dad.)


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